no cool

I see people as energy. As something that interacts with the mythical symbolic framework I have inside my head. I see people do magic – very rarely – but when they drop their cool and they venture to be what they are, or what they want to be – it’s more than I can hope for. It takes a shitload of courage to not care about the outside opinions and to just be.

We’ve been, I know we’ve been. My last year of school was all about thinking that the world is an oyster and we can make whatever we want out of it. I still do think that – in a much more reserved manner and no longer with a “wise” backdrop to it. I think I’ve gotten wiser, but isn’t that what all of us think every two to five years?

There’s also an option of not thinking about it at all. Just chillin, y'all know, going with the flow and stuff. I’m not wired for that. And I’m aware that this brings unwanted complications and all that serious-faced stuff. But that’s what I am.

Of course we all think we’re gonna be big. We’re gonna be something. But are we? It scares me to think otherwise. It’s scary to pour your soul out - and it’s not productive nor does it work in your favor. But what are you, if you’re not your true self? You’re a tool, a cool object, but cool doesn’t drive me, does not inspire me at all.

The people I’ve loved in my life are the ones who’ve had the courage to challenge themselves, to venture beyond the normal, the perceived, and the expected.

I need someone to see me like I see people. I see people as something magical. Anyone who has insight, or wit, or anything that makes me hold my breath for a second – is magical. I know it’s cheesy. But that’s how it is.

I may not surprise you. Cause I’m the same as you – the same decaying matter, not a unique snowflake (as outlined in the Fight Club). But if I don’t surprise you, then we are more alike than you think we are.

Would you kill me? If I needed you to, if I desperately had no other option, would you?