“Perfekcionistų gyvenimą gerai iliustruoja antikinis mitas apie stipruolį Heraklį. Olimpo dievų buvo nuspręsta jam leisti tapti pusdieviu, tačiau tik su sąlyga, kad Heraklis išmėšiąs milžiniškas arklides. Kiekvienas perfekcionistas gilumoje yra Heraklis, turintis ambicijų įsikurti bent jau Olimpo papėdėje.”
-- http://www.vmsi.lt/n/4/53/Kai-Reikalai-Auksciau-Visko
[Rough translation: The lives of perfectionists are well illustrated by the ancient myth of almighty Hercules. The Gods on Mount Olympus decided that they’d let him become a semi-god with the condition that he’ll clean out stables of an enormous size. Every perfectionist is Hercules, fostering the ambition to one day reside at least at the foot of Mount Olympus]
Firstly, I apologize for having gone missing for a while. Sydney has been quite overwhelming and I promise to write it all down as soon as it sinks in fairly enough to evaluate it. Cause now I’m just like “oh my God this is all waaayyy cool” haha. Not very impartial I’m afraid.
However, I am writing this post. And this is just because it would’ve seemed insane not to – a friend [let’s call her the Stewardess] wrote me on FB whom I haven’t spoken with for perhaps a year [and who’s leading an amazing and inspiring life at the moment] and basically just asked me why I’m not posting anything and then brainstormed a bit on the topic of perfectionism. Out of nowhere. This made me ridiculously happy because that was a direct proof that this tiny blog is doing it’s job – provoking to think, to ask questions and to discuss together, which is truly one of my greatest passions. Thank you so much!
Then, maybe an hour or two later, I completely accidentally stumbled upon this article: http://gyvenimas.delfi.lt/career/perfekcionizmas-xxi-amziaus-moteru-liga.d?id=14959020 [sorry to all those English speaking friends who are reading – this great article is written in the very cool language of totally cool Lithuanians]. Its title says: Perfectionism – the XXIst century disease for women? And it goes on to cover the topic in detail.
But it gets better. I’m skyping with my mom tonight and she randomly posts the quote that I’m using in the opening of this post. How odd is that? The universe has united on directing me towards this topic ;]
So. Perfectionism.
I do agree that it is the most malicious disease that contemporary women suffer from. We have to excel in everything – career, family, LIFE. It is seen as a virtue if we can cook and clean, and “hold the four corners of a household”. By nature (and by upbringing) I am truly not capable of that. I most deeply despise interior pampering with candles and flowers and what not. And numerous boyfriends have pointed it out with poorly disguised regret.
I am, however, interested in quantum physics, in failing economies, in various religions (purely for religion studies), in muscle cars and a solid glass of the old fashioned at the end of the day. Yet none of these interests are seen as a virtue as far as I’ve noticed.
A brief jump of thought – I just received another letter regarding my babysitting services poster in Denmark. It’s a third one I’ve received and what I find interesting is that all of them were written by men. Sometimes countries of deep-rooted feminism bring such joy to my heart ;]
Back to the topic. I’d have to agree with the Stewardess that perfectionism causes drinking problems above all things. When one no longer knows how to let go of days work, or how to seek relief from all surrounding pressures, she may start abusing alcohol.
Another thing perfectionists are prone to – depression. When you’re stuck in the vicious circle of never being good enough – how can you possibly enjoy life? It is the highway to apathy, dissatisfaction and anger management problems.
My intention is to ask you to share your thoughts: why do you think we become perfectionists? Are you one? What’s your story? Is it about the upbringing and if so, what do parents do wrong? How to balance it out between caring for the child but yet not pushing him too hard; between inspiring him for greatness and giving him all the tools but not depriving him of simple joys? Do you fight perfectionism or do you give in to it? How do you give yourself a break from it? How to manage it and adjust it to work in your advantage?
These are my questions for you today, so please, drop a line or two.
“One needs to learn to ride without waiting for the stables to be cleaned” – Daniel Casriel
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