As I was brainstorming for a topic for my first post, three instances came to my mind. Those instances are a downright proof that it is vital, while we are young and vibrant (which I do feel slowly receding and being replaced with horrible cynicism. For example I no longer give a damn what kind of cell-phone I have – terrifying, isn’t it? But about this some other time), to take leaps of faith; to take risks at things petit and grand. When I have to decide upon things that matter, I remember moments when I’ve ventured into unknown lands, undiscovered minds and undisclosed corners of my own subconsciousness.
First of all, I remembered a certain discussion in a balcony of a cheap hostel on la Rambla, Barcelona, with a girl who is the complete opposite of everything I used to stand for at that time.
How did I get there? At a certain time during my studies in the Netherlands I decided that I either kill myself in a horrible biking accident (yeah, badass), or I go somewhere for a breather. So I sent an email to all of my… acquaintances (I didn’t want to take any chances on just friends) saying what the deal was and that I’d go anywhere they would like to go at a time that suited them (just as soon as possible).
This girl responded saying Barca is the new Vegas and so I found myself standing in a balcony with her, watching old men workout in a hotel gym across the back yard. For our convenience let’s call her the Giant.
The epicenter of the discussion was the life of the unborn. The Giant was staring at me blankly, slowly sucking her cigarette, legs on the railing, telling me without any hesitation whatsoever that pro-choice is the only way to go. And there was I, hyperventilating for a moment, as a certain speech from my first year of uni flashed by – first TV exam, recording of anything you’d like to say. My subject of choice was abortion, and the story I presented in short was something like “If you knew a woman who had 2 deaf children, 2 blind children, 1 mentally challenged child, was pregnant, a widow, and had syphilis, would you advise abortion? If so, you would have killed Mozart.” A bunch of various scientific arguments followed (together with a constipated look on my face). Charming. But that was what I believed in with all my essence.
And yet there we were – this Giant diva and a self-righteous-bit-of-a-nerd. At that very moment I suddenly understood something – we were at such distant oppositions that it was not even a subject for discussion. And yet of course we did discuss, as it is the vice of many journalists – we preach about being impartial and yet most of the time we can’t shut up; our opinions pouring out like a freakin geyser.
However, what struck me was that I was capable of acknowledging that she did have valid points.
Many times later in life I had gone back to the whole situation and wondered what my answer would be now; had anything changed? And even at times when for a second I’d think I might be carrying a child of a fascist egoistic pig (though very handsome), I knew I could never go through with what I do consider killing.
And it wasn’t even that much about morale or fear, it was always a very simple concept that helped me keep my thoughts straight: if you’re gonna fuck, you have to be ready for any consequences the fucking may produce. And it should never come as a surprise if you do get pregnant. That’s why I could never justify termination of pregnancy, unless one was impregnated against her own will or it posed threat to her health.
The Giant and me are now good friends. She’s taught me a lot, but the main lesson I’ve learned – I’m pro-choice now. I’m still pro-life though as well. How is this possible? It’s because I’m not pro-choice in general, I would most probably never apply it to myself, but I am pro her own choice. No one has a right to tell someone else what to do with his or her body. And when there was a discussion in my country about banning abortions I was opposing it fiercely. It is just not for you or me to decide.
The second two instances that came to my mind are yet to materialize on paper some time soon.
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